Part
1: Last Year, 2002
A year has passed since I was last in the Holy Dham, at Sri Chaitanya
Saraswat Math, Nabadwip. Last year I came with my mother, Krishna Kanti
Devi Dasi.
Last year I was sixteen years old and through my naivety and sense of
material security/comfort of having my mother to take care of me, I was
a little distressed by the thought that I was immediately required to
surrender and also by the fact that Krishna was always with me. I was
distressed because ever since I can remember I've always had thought about
hermitage life, living alone in relative peace, so 'naturally' my mind,
the inevitably source of these ideas of hermitage and solitude, did not
like the fact that Krishna was always with me. Similarly 'naturally' the
false ego of my mind did not want to surrender to something that rejects
its so-called desire.
That whole distressing revelation was mercifully dealt with by Sruta Srava
Prabhu by answering my question: "How can I achieve greater faith
and love of Godhead?"
His answer was: "Associate with people who already have it."
So, from then on I pretty much just associated with the devotees and did
service according to my capability, and was at relative ease.
Two months after that all took place, we headed from Kolkata to Nabadwip
for Sri Gaura Purnima, 2002.
Upon going to Nabadwip and seeing the big bridge, Gauranga Setu, crossing
the Ganges near our Temple, the River Ganges, and the buildings of our
Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math, I felt spiritually surcharged and overcome
with joy.
In Nabadwip, besides a little sickness, everything went fine: good association,
very wonderful devotees, and of course Srila Gurudeva. Then Sri Nabadwip
Dham Parikrama started.
The first parikrama was good towards the end of the day. In the beginning
I was unfortunately disturbed (unfortunate due to what was most likely
to be offensive thoughts on my part) by all the pushing and shoving in
the mass crowd. By the end of the day I was mentally and physically exhausted.
By the next morning I was too sick to stand up for more than five minutes.
As it turned out, due to my health I wasn't able to go on any more parikramas.
The rest of my time was spent mainly within the Math. I saw around at
the Math and the progressing construction of the new guesthouse and steps
around Sri Govinda Kunda, both jobs were around 15–25% complete at
that time.
I left Nabadwip a week after Sri Gaura Purnima day, and two days after
the pilgrimage to Sripat Hapaniya Dham. I then stayed a week in Kolkata
before leaving for California with my mom.
Part 2: This Year, 2003
This year I traveled to India with Sripad Bhakti Lalita Akinchan Maharaj,
who at that time was Lalita Charan Prabhu. We arrived in the Dum Dum Park
Temple, Kolkata, in the evening shortly before arati, stayed that night
and left for Nabadwip the next day in the afternoon, arriving there on
the eve of the Sri Gaura Purnima day. Upon seeing Gauranga Setu and the
Ganga flowing beneath, I began to feel that same joy of spiritual surchargement,
and felt it had increased greatly since my visit a year ago. Arriving
at the Math and seeing the finished Sevashram guesthouse, the steps all
around Sri Govinda Kunda, Sri Giriraja's Mandir in the center of the Kunda
and the Shiva Mandir next to the Sevashram, and all buildings with lights
on each spire and all around, that joyous, spiritually surcharged feeling
was multiplied infinitely.
Just the thought of staying in Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math, situated in
that nectarean island of Koladwip in Nabadwip Dham was, and always will
be, spiritually invigorating to me.
I can only hope that one day my only aspiration will be that I will be
able to spend the rest of my life there in loving devotional service to
the lotus feet of those very wonderful Vaisnavas that I have met and will
meet in the future.
I sincerely hope that I have described at least some of the differences
from last year to this. As for Kolkata, the air seems a little dirtier
and the weather a little hotter. However this is my first summer, and
I hope I will have the opportunity to compare this summer with other summers
to come.
All glories to Sri Sri Guru Gauranga!
My most sincere and humble dandavat pranams,
Signed: Aspiring to be less attached and more surrendered,
Prema Narayan Dasa
Sree Chaitanya Saraswata Krishnanushilana Sangha,
Dum Dum Park, Calcutta
June 2003
Sri
Chaitanya Saraswat Math, Nabadwip: